Road Tales

Enter Kazoo Man- Bruce’s Dark secret.

It needs to be known. Bruce Dickinson is an addict. Aside from the fencing, the movie production, the script writing, the racing car driving, the piloting, the singing and the gigging, yes there is one more secret that our Homeric hero has failed to reveal to the wider world. And it ain’t pretty.

Ladies and gentlemen, please brace yourselves for a shock; members of Iron Maiden FC start your wailing and gnashing of teeth now, for you see, Mr B. Dickinson of this parish is (gasp!)...a Kazoo addict!

Strange but true, Mr B, in an attempt to prolong the post-gig high, can be found propping up many a hotel bar, not with red wine (although, trust us, he can down a gallon of Argentinian Malbec with the best of them on this tour), but holding one of his five garishly coloured plastic kazoos, as he whispers, “Say ‘ello to my leetel fren...”

We’re in the bar of Quito’s Swisshotel as Bruce busts out what can only be described as the most surreal version of Phantom Of The Opera the known world has ever heard.

As an astonished group of incredulous onlookers rewire their hearing aids and reorder scrambled brain patterns, out comes the central charge of The Troopers and the romp ands with Hallowed Be Thy Name. Truly awful. Truly bloody funny! “Nicko and I are gonna get pissed one night and film a set for youtube- nobody will believe it’s us!” grins Bruce.

“Maiden’s always been about the fans. They’re the real stars of the Show”- Steve Harris.

“It’s a hell of a long way from the Ruskin Arms, but it’s been a great journey”- Dave Murray.